A little bit about Self-Love

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Welcome to my blog about a little bit about Self-Love.

In this blog I will talk about the importance of Self-Love and what happens in relation from you to others and vice versa whether this is work, friendships, romantic, soulmates or twin flame relationships and how you can detect it and deal with it.

These blockages can withhold you towards loving yourself and also is part of creating that imbalance inside of you and towards your loved one or others.

With loving yourself in this blog I do not only mean external self-love, where you look into the mirror and tell yourself “you look good today…" or "wow, even you yes you with that big pimple your head looks good today and that pimple is lovely as well…" or "Hey you , yeah you in the mirror with the bags under your eyes due to not enough sleep…you look just as fine with or without a bags and does not matter what everyone else says as I love myself and I will only receive love back…" or waking up with a half sleeping face and thinking “O my God, why am I not awake yet..and then looking in the mirror and saying..Damn..you still look good though with those sleepy eyes”.

No that is not the self-love I will be talking about. The self-love I will be going into is about our internal self-love, self-reflection. The not “You look…” statement, but the “I AM…” statement.

There is a saying that goes like this: “If you keep avoiding Self-Love The Universe will also keep sending you people who avoid loving you hoping you get a little clue”. A deep one isn’t it? 

It is a great saying as there is a big truth in it. But it does not only talk about the Universe outside of us, but also about the Universe that is inside of us all. Our inner Universe which is just or maybe even more complex and important than our outside Universe.

Throughout our life and thus also our childhood most of us never learned how to love ourselves, not the outside of ourselves and also not the inside of ourselves. We learn about love and what love is due to what or parents thought us, what we learned from friends, what we learned from school, figured out for ourself, from family, from movies and so on. Most of the time we are taught that we have to love the other so they can love us back.

When we are born and come out screaming as a baby, all we wanted from the first moment is Unconditional Love, but due to the conditioning and limited beliefs, cultural backgrounds from our parents, family, school, friends, social media and so on we learned that love is looking outside of ourselves.

For most of us, we can love our newly born baby, our twin flame, our romantic relationships unconditionally…until the conditioning, limited beliefs, masks, wanting to change the other so they can meet up with our expectations, so we can than love them for that, come into play and arise to the surface as the other person mirror’s back what needs to be healed in ourselves. 

You probably know that feeling and the moments that you said to someone “I will love you forever” or “No matter what I will always be there for you, forever yours”. Don’t worry…almost every person does that when they find love. 

It works great until you or the other does something that one of the two does not like. Due to that we do not like it what happens, we can get irritated, we can get angry, sad, jealous or start to blame the other person, complain about what they do wrong and also act like being a victim in a certain situations. The so called unconditional love turns into a conditioned love. 

And when things go well again between the two of you conditions are in the meanwhile put in place. 

Like in “when you do not do that to me anymore…I will love you and if you do that…hurt me like that…I will not love you”. Well, this has nothing to do with unconditional love anymore as it is based on conditions. It is more a contract of love. And what happens then is that each person has to live up to each other’s expectations and hope we do not break that contract we unintentionally created regarding love. All because we lack the love in ourselves and can not give that to ourselves and certainly not to the other.

I have to make a note that with previous. I do not mean that someone has the right to emotionally, psychically or mentally abuse you in any kind of way with the intention to hurt you intentionally or to control or manipulate you. This is just not a good thing from the other or from yourself to do that towards someone.

So if an argument or another situation happens where you get triggered (mental thoughts, emotional feelings, body experiences occur) and you  not feel loved by the other, it is because you were not able to give that love to that part of yourself  inside of you. This might sound harsh to say that it is something inside of you. However it is not only inside of you, but also inside of the other.

Let me explain this so you can understand this better. We are internally all the same (with a note of exceptions regarding how our bodies or mind have been psychically developed).

Looking at that we can have the same emotions, feelings and way of thinking the only thing that makes us different from the other is how we lived our lives and what we experienced in our lives.

With this I mean how we are raised, in what situation or environment, which cultures, the type of friends, if we got beaten as a child, if our parents got divorced, if we lost someone close to us, our relationships  or which traumatic events we experienced. All these variables make us different from each other but in the essence we are all the same. So all these events makes us eventually what we are today, the person you are today. 

And now coming back what I said about to that you are not able to give love to your own part that does not feel loved by the other. It is that what you see inside of the other is also inside of you what acts out and gets triggered by the polarity of trying to find love to fill the gap in yourself and the other tries to find that in you. This is all subconscious.

All this most of the time comes from our childhood were we are conditioned to behave in a certain way were even our parents put conditioned love on us or as a child we can not feel the love of our parents or the ones who take care of us (ofcourse there are exceptions in this). Or due to pain we experience, our ego creates a protective defense mechanism for the part we emotionally, physically or mentally felt pain in.

So what happens. Imagine that you are a child and your body is like a big castle where there are a lot of rooms in it. As a child you want to explore everything because you are an adventurer of learning new things. So you roam through the castle opening each door of each room exploring them to see what is inside of them. Each room represents a piece of you that is part of your person. Until one day your mother, father, school, grandparents, boyfriend or girlfriend or any other person that you hold dear says that you are not allowed to go into this room and into that room. One by one every room is closed and shut for you so you cannot go in there anymore because the other did not like that room inside of you. So you start to grow up and forget what is inside that room. This also happens inside of you during childhood. Your parents or other caretakers, teachers and others say to you that you can not do this anymore, or do that anymore because it is not good, or it is really bad or it is dangerous, or whatever reason they come up with. So you stop doing that, as you learn that when you still do it you do not get the unconditional love that you as a child want to receive so it is better to not be yourself to be loved by the other. You suppress the memory and energy and your emotions like sadness, anger and fears on everything that you are not allow to show anymore, from your conscious mind into your subconscious mind. This lingers around together with the energies from your parents that you made your own as a child or on the contrary of not wanting to be like them until it gets triggered in a certain situation in a certain time of your life. You are at that moment not conscious of this “pain” from the past inside of you, still your body reacts to it with certain feelings or emotions. What happens then is that in your adulthood when your partner, twinflame, boss, co-workers, school principal says something to you that subconsciously get’s triggered and you unknowingly and without even being aware of your own reaction and behavior act it out towards the other. This can be becoming irritated, angry, sad, feeling emotionally out of balance, feeling psychically out of balance. This all because you got regressed into a situation that you do not remember anymore, from a past memory, where you did not feel loved and build a mask (protective defense mechanism) around because your feelings of being  loved hurt you. And that mask is your protection just not to feel that pain again that you suppressed a long time ago and acts out in the now. That is how we can not be ourselves when we get triggered by a certain situation of someone and we can act like little children.

All these triggers can be healed which I will go deeper into in one on one sessions.

By healing these triggers/trauma’s you will heal that part inside of you and also will be able to love your self more for the person you are. When loving yourself internally, the external love will also become more aligned with you as you come to accept yourself more and more as you are as a being. This also then will radiate towards others as well and you will also attract love as well..

I have to mention that I do not mean that you can not dress up anymore, put on make-up, do sports, look in the mirror and talk nicely to yourself, those will help you as well. You can ask yourself than do I do it so the other will love me, or do I do it because I love myself and just want to look pretty because I like it and it gives me a good feeling of inner joy.

For now I will give you a technique on how to assess/reflect yourself when being triggered or afterwards and you can piece by piece start to heal love yourself more.

When I ask others if they love themselves, a lot of them say yes, until I ask if them also love themselves for who they are and thus not looking daily in the mirror and saying “You look good today”. But also loving themselves for criticizing themselves or acting angry, sad, worried, fearful towards themselves and towards others, the answer is than no. And then they subconsciously feel bad about it too as if it was not allowed. And that is okay as we just have not learned it and it all starts with becoming aware of it, acknowledging it and accepting it.

There are several other methods to create more self-love for your self and the more you love yourself the more you will attract others who will be on the same level so you can walk your journey with. That also can mean that doing self-love work can also make you see things that you do not need in your current relationship anymore as it is not needed for you as the relationship was needed to fill in your gaps. This means that you then will have the freedom of choice instead of acting out a subconscious unhealed part in which you are needy for love from the other. 

You can “train”, become aware/conscious of yourself to be aware of situations when you feel not good, not loved, emotionally not stable, emotional outburst due to a certain situation and assess yourself and investigate, acknowledge and accept that part and that means sent that part love which is self-love and self-healing.

How you can do that is by the following:

As what you see in the other is also inside of you to a certain degree which also can be completely your blind spot as we all project our own inner (subconscious) stuff outwards and when you get triggered or not loved by the other you have to give that part of yourself love.

Life is a mirror of our own subconscious state. So when we act out anger, we get anger situations back, when we act out love, we get love situations back.

By doing the following exercise you will learn to love yourself more whether you get triggered in your relationships, at work or any other situation.

When a certain emotion like anger, sadness, fear comes up feel and see what in you happens and what got triggered by the other. 

At the moment that you can observe your own feelings and accept that, what you see in the other is also inside of you, as the other acts as a mirror what needs to be healed for you, you can see what made the other do that and how you got triggered by it. This does not mean certain abusive behavior from the other is good and you have to allow that. Putting healthy boundaries for yourself is a good thing to do.

By accepting and loving that part in the other you can now learn to acknowledge that in how they lived their lives and became the person they are now, he or she just could not do it differently as that is what they know and how they are. So that part in the other also needs to be recognized inside of you as a part you have been suppressing for years and that is where your skills and talents are built on. This is the polarity inside of us and when we accept both sides we become whole, which then leads to more wholeness and freedom of choice. 

When there are no triggers inside of you that is a good thing as that part is healed, but when you get triggered you can say the following to yourself in your mind and be aware of your own state.

1. Detect: It seems I got triggered by the other

2. Investigate/reflect: What is inside of him or her seems to be also inside of me?

3. First Acknowledgement and acceptation: I accept that part in the other and love the other for that (this can be tricky as a ego defensive blockage or deep hurt may withhold you from seeing or wanting that)

4. Investigate: How many times did I act like that person towards others? 

Do this investigation by just letting it arise in your mind without any judgement, just observing the moments.

5. Own Acknowledgement: I acknowledge that I have that too inside of me hidden somewhere deep in my not conscious shadow part and it is also part of me. I ask for all these parts to be made conscious

6. True acceptation of own shadow part: I accept that I just can be like the other person . And this means you really have to accept it with your whole being.

7. And now I intent and sent all these parts of me love from my heart 

You will feel an immediate shift happening inside of you. If it does not than there is a blockage that is deeper which need to be healed. 

If you practice this you will become more and more aware of your own emotions due to a certain situation and you will be able to give yourself that love that you first wanted to receive from the other. Try it, be conscious of your own state and sent that part in you love so you can heal and love that part inside of you. So give the love that you give others also to yourself with this exercise. 

It requires some practice and awareness but eventually you will be able to shift things on the spot the more you learn to do this. By doing this you will learn to love yourself more and more unconditionally and also see things from a higher perspective.

This also does not mean it can be healed in one time as you still might get triggered as that can be a new layers that has been hiding inside of you. Keep doing this after each trigger and eventually there will be no charge to trigger it.

Another thing addition to this that you can say and repeat to yourself is: 

I AM loved

I AM wanted

I LOVE you no matter what

These affirmations will help you in your self-love as well. You can do this throughout the day as much as you can. As our soul wants to experience polarity, that means both sides of the medal, this will work more effectively when you worked on healing the negative parts inside of you. These positive affirmations will then be stronger then when you still have negative subconscious beliefs inside of you. 

Thank you for reading this blog and leave a message via the contactform or book a session for deeper healing and also in how to love yourself more. I can assure you that you will experience in our sessions major growth on the inner and outer. I will give you a lot of healing and tools that will be beneficial for yourself, towards others (loved ones, Twin Flame, strong soul connections) and your reality. 

Start your healing and radiate positivity and love as the beautiful being you are! :-)

Sending blessings to you.

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